Understanding and Overcoming Loneliness
Loneliness was declared a health epidemic in 2023 by US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. This came on the heels of increased social isolation due to the pandemic, and has been exacerbated by the replacement of authentic and deeper in-person connections with more surface-level online interactions. There are many theories about the causes of loneliness, but the important thing to remember is that it is not a reflection of one’s worth or ability to connect. In fact, everyone experiences loneliness at some point in their lives. The good news is that with some patience and perseverance, it is possible to overcome loneliness and regain a sense of connection to others.
What is Loneliness?
Loneliness is not simply being alone; it is the distress that one experiences from feeling disconnected, unseen, or misunderstood. Sometimes the root causes are situational, such as a recent move to a new city, the loss of a loved one, or being ostracized from a social group. In recent years, loneliness has become more pronounced due to the false perception that online interactions and connections are an equal substitute for in person relationships, which research demonstrates is not the case. If left unaddressed, loneliness can lead to longstanding emotional and physical health problems, including low self-esteem, social anxiety, depression, heart disease, dementia, and suicidality. If you are questioning whether you are experiencing loneliness or whether it is negatively impacting you, it can help to reach out to a professional such as your primary care physician or a therapist who can help you make impactful changes in your life.
Tips for Overcoming Loneliness
While it can feel daunting, the first step toward combating loneliness is acknowledging it and being honest with yourself about what you are experiencing. From there, you can begin to take action towards overcoming loneliness using some of these practical strategies:
Develop Self-Compassion: Start by being kind to yourself. Loneliness is a common human experience and nothing to be ashamed of. The sooner you can acknowledge your feelings without judgment, the easier it will be to begin fulfilling your needs for connection.
Practice Self-Care: Whether that’s enjoying a hobby, spending time in nature, or allowing yourself to slow down, it is important to cultivate your relationship with yourself so that you can be the best version of yourself around others.
Gradual Social Engagement: If social situations feel daunting, start with environments or people that you are more comfortable with and gradually build up to more challenging ones. Greet a neighbor, chat with a cashier, or plan something one-on-one if this feels more manageable than a group setting. Even brief, low-stakes interactions can help rebuild confidence and reduce feelings of isolation.
Open Up to Others: Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can be a powerful way to release shame and connect with others. Most people have experienced loneliness themselves and may respond with empathy and understanding. You don’t need to have a deep conversation right away - start by dipping your toe in the water before diving in.
Build Social Skills and Confidence: Socializing is a muscle that needs strengthening through repeated use and practice. If you are struggling with this, therapy can provide practical tools for improving social skills and confidence by helping you learn how to initiate conversations, handle rejection or anxiety, or communicate more effectively.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Loneliness often comes with negative beliefs about yourself or how others perceive you. Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, is an evidence-based approach that can teach you to recognize and reframe these patterns, thereby helping you get out of your own way and making it easier to reach out and form connections with others.
Expand Your Network: Consider joining community or common interest groups, volunteering, or participating in online support forums in order to meet likeminded others. If you don’t immediately click with something, challenging yourself to stick it out a little while longer - often it takes a few times or consistent exposure to feel comfortable in unfamiliar situations.
Remember, overcoming loneliness is a process. There is no magic bullet, and what works for one person may not work for another. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you try new approaches, and consider reaching out for professional support if you’re struggling - this in itself is good practice building connection with others, and a reminder that you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.