Ghosting: What it is and What to do if it Happens to You
If you’ve ever found yourself suddenly cut off from communication with someone – no explanation, no warning, just silence – you may have experienced ghosting. This phenomenon can leave you feeling confused, rejected, and hurt. In this post, we’ll dive into questions around what ghosting is and why it happens, highlight warning signs, and offer guidance on how to recover, including how working with a therapist can help.
What is ghosting?
Ghosting is when someone abruptly ends all communication and avoids contact without any warning or explanation, ignoring any subsequent attempts to reconnect. While the term is most commonly used in the context of romantic relationships, ghosting can also occur in friendships, family relationships, and even professional settings. The person being ghosted is left with no closure, often feeling as if the other has simply vanished into thin air (hence the name).
What are some potential causes of ghosting?
People ghost for a variety of reasons, often rooted in avoidance and discomfort with confrontation. Some common causes include:
Wanting to avoid awkward or difficult conversations, for example about their feelings or when ending a relationship.
Fear of hurting another person’s feelings or of receiving a negative reaction from others.
Low emotional intelligence or emotional unawareness, sometimes due to personal or mental health issues
The convenience of technology, which makes it easier to disappear without accountability, especially in the context of online dating.
A desire to avoid burning bridges or to keep options open, particularly when there are many choices available, such as when making plans or with dating.
What are some of the signs of ghosting?
While ghosting can feel sudden, there are often warning signs that someone may be about to disappear:
Inconsistent or sporadic communication; for example, when messages become one-sided or less frequent.
Vagueness or reluctance to make plans, frequent canceling or failing to commit.
Short, disinterested responses and lack of emotional vulnerability in conversations.
Avoidance around making introductions to friends or family, or keeping you hidden from their social circles.
Disappearing from social media or blocking/unfriending you.
How to handle being ghosted
Being ghosted can be painful, but there are healthy ways to cope:
Accept the reality: Recognize that the person is not providing what you need, and avoid making excuses for their behaviors.
Allow yourself to feel: Your emotions are valid. It’s okay to grieve, talk about, or journal your feelings.
Set boundaries: Communicate your intent to move on even if you don’t expect to get a response, and block or unfollow the person online if needed to protect your own mental health.
Don’t blame yourself: Ghosting says more about the other person’s inability to communicate than anything about you or your worth.
Focus on self-care: Engage in healthy coping strategies and activities that make you feel good and bring you joy and comfort.
Increase social engagement: Lean into the relationships that you value and that do meet your needs, and seek support from or spend time with trusted friends or family.
How to recover from being ghosted
A useful way to recover from ghosting involves reframing the experience and rebuilding your confidence:
Recognize that no response is still a response, albeit an ineffective way of communicating that response.
Try not to take it personally; ghosting is often a reflection of the other person’s discomfort or poor communication style, rather than a sign of your worthiness.
Practice self-compassion and mindfulness; acknowledge and validate your emotions, let go of unhelpful or difficult thoughts, and focus on your healing and self-care.
Reconnect with people who value and accept you, re-engage in hobbies or activities that make you feel good, and redirect your energy and focus into yourself.
Use the experience as an opportunity to grow and develop a stronger relationship with yourself.
How therapy can help
Don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support if you think you need it; therapy can be an effective container for healing from the effects of ghosting. Some of the ways a therapist can be supportive during this time is by helping you to:
Challenge unhelpful beliefs: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques can help you identify and reframe maladaptive or inaccurate thoughts such as self-blame or catastrophizing, replacing them with more balanced or accurate perspectives.
Process emotions: Therapy provides a safe space for you to express and validate your feelings without judgment.
Cultivate self-compassion and confidence: By helping you prioritize your relationship with yourself, you can emerge stronger and more confident than you were before.
Build resilience and coping skills: A therapist can help you establish and strengthen routines and habits that support your mental and emotional well-being.
Improve social skills: A therapist can equip you with tools to navigate difficult social situations, help you practice communicating more effectively and assertively, and guide you in setting healthy boundaries in your relationships.
If you’re struggling with the aftermath of ghosting, enlisting professional support is a sign of strength. You deserve to have relationships built on mutual respect and open communication, and therapy can help you move forward with clarity and confidence.